The Girls Who Went Away: The Hidden History of Women Who Surrendered Children for Adoption in the Decades Before Roe v. Wade by Ann Fessler is a remarkably researched book about the hundreds of thousands of teenagers and young women who gave their children up for adoption during the fifties, sixties, and seventies. Mixed with historical research and personal testimonies from mothers who relinquished their children, The Girls Who Went Away reveals the social stigma associated with unwed pregnancy, and the emotional distress these unwed mothers experienced during and after their pregnancies.
Having been adopted herself, Fessler collects the stories of mothers whose stories have remained silent, and whose experiences have been misunderstood for decades. During the fifties and sixties sex education was virtually non-existent. Schools promoted abstinence and many parents never bothered to have “the talk” with their children. Yet, despite the taboos concerning sex and teenagers, many teenagers were “doing it.” Unlike previous generations where going on a date meant sitting on the front porch and being monitored by parents; teenagers of the fifties and sixties were getting it on in the backs of cars and at parties without any protection. Many of the testimonies of the young women who became pregnant, conceived during their first sexual experience.
Once these young women found out that they were pregnant and told their parents, they relinquished any power over their bodies and had little to no say in making the decision whether to keep their child or not. In all of the testimonies in the book, each young woman was sent away to a maternity home for unwed mothers. Many parents were ashamed and disappointed in their daughters and knew that their family’s and daughter’s reputation would be tainted if the neighbors or the general public “found out.” While at the maternity home, the young women were unprepared for what was to come. While in labor, these young women did not know what to expect, had no one there to support them, and were treated poorly by doctors and medical staff. Some women were tied down to the hospital bed or put out and had no recollection of giving birth.
After giving birth to their child, these young mothers would then be bombarded by social workers to sign the fateful papers that would ultimately relinquish their child. In signing these papers, these girls had no choice but to give away their child. They were either forced by their parents or could not afford the medical expenses and the means to support their child. Yet, once mother and child were separated, many parents and families refused to talk about the whole “ordeal” ever again. These girls were supposed to forget that they were ever pregnant and move on with their lives. They received no counseling and all of the women experienced either emotional distress, depression, anxiety, or post traumatic stress disorder. Women also were confronted with many health problems due to the stress of their situation. No matter what these women experienced after their pregnancy, they could never forget, and the thought of their child and where their child ended up stayed with them throughout their entire lives. For each of these women, their pregnancy and relinquishment shaped their entire lives.
After years of wondering where their child ended up and whether or not they had a good life, some mothers were lucky enough to be reunited with their child and establish a relationship with their child and their families. Through this reunion, these mothers were able to begin a healing process and come to terms with their situation and relinquishment of their child.
What Fessler’s work reveals is essentially the horrible way in which unwed mothers were treated not only by society but by their own families as well. Getting pregnant was solely the girl’s fault, and the fathers were able to continue on with their lives without the same type of chastisement experienced by pregnant women. Ironically, society could not figure out why middle class, respectable, young girls were getting pregnant. So, in order to explain this striking phenomenon, many doctors and psychologists claimed that these young girls were neurotic. Yet, society failed to educate young women and men on preventing pregnancy, and due to this lack of education, women were the ultimate sufferers.
For more information about The Girls Who Went Away, visit: http://www.thegirlswhowentaway.com/
